


Let Me Explain

by dreamingofwinter



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, First Kiss, First time (Mentioned), Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Kissing, M/M, Missing Scene, Pining, Post-Almost Apocalypse (Good Omens), Pre-Almost Apocalypse (Good Omens), Romance, Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-06 02:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21219122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingofwinter/pseuds/dreamingofwinter
Summary: Aziraphale devastates Crowley by rejecting his offer of running away together, but the angel is dealing with some issues of his own. Will he ever be able to tell Crowley the truth about the depth of his feelings and why he has kept him in the dark for so long? The two of them try to work through their feelings and find a way forward together once the apocalypse is averted, but will Aziraphale's fears stand in the way of what they both really want?





	1. At The Third Alternative Rendezvous

**Author's Note:**

> After rewatching Good Omens and falling in love with the characters, I started to really see the emotion during episode 3 in the scene towards the end at the bandstand, and it gave me the feels in a big way. I've not read many fics that explore this bit of the show, and I thought it would be a good place for a missing scene/exploring what happened after the argument (I noticed that Aziraphale seemed to still be in the same park the morning after when he bumps into Gabriel, which maybe implied he had been there all night). I wanted to explore why he might have said the things he did and what he might have been feeling (with my own romantic twist on it, because out of all of the ships out there this one is my favourite and feels the most genuine). Additional chapter of comfort/fluff on it's way with a bit of a time jump to post-apocalypse as I try not to mess around with the original bits too much, they're just so good as they are and I couldn't do it justice if I changed things too much!
> 
> Please go easy on me, this is my first GO fanfic and my second ever fanfic written (my first was written 4 years ago and I've not written anything at all since)! I’ve also never read the book (it’s added to my to do list!)

Within a quarter of an hour, they had met at the bandstand as planned. When Aziraphale had arrived, anxiously looking behind him as he approached their meeting place, Crowley was already waiting for him. The angel was on edge, and very much feeling the weight of the next twenty four hours looming. The air was tense as they discussed the situation, and Aziraphale knew he was going to face an impossible dilemma when he would be forced to choose between his dear friend and Heaven. He had been somewhat agitated which exacerbated things, and the discussion seemed to be getting heated.

... and then Crowley was talking about _going off together_, and Aziraphale’s heart had immediately leapt.

For one dizzying, beautiful moment, time had seemed to stop and Aziraphale allowed the idea to take over his mind, forgetting about the dire situation they faced and just let himself dream. However, a few seconds later the angel’s heart fell like lead as he quickly came back to reality with a bump when the rational side of his mind fired up again, interrupting his brief reverie, his fleeting expression of awe and hope disappearing and turning into anguish. It was all Aziraphale could have wished for, to disappear with Crowley and explore the stars, away from the scrutiny of Heaven and Hell and to just be themselves, but in the current circumstances it was simply impossible. He had been thrown off guard to hear the demon come close to vocalising his feelings.

Aziraphale felt himself becoming flustered and frustrated as Crowley continued to push. How could the demon talk like that, _tempt_ him like that when he knew the angel had Heavenly duties to perform? Whilst things had never been truly black and white for Aziraphale, he had always felt a strong sense of duty to his Heavenly alliance, never really questioning their orders and harbouring a general tendency to do as he was told, despite his free will and true self taking the reins now and again by helping Crowley with the odd temptation, performing minor miracles that would have gone unnoticed, or acting a little too human for Heaven's liking. On a personal level, Aziraphale had never been sure what he feared more - the wrath of the archangels or being humiliated further by them should he fail in his missions. All the angel had ever wanted to do was serve God, be a good and loyal angel to Her, and to feel accepted by his fellow angels, the latter of which he had almost realised was simply not going to happen. He had spent too much time on Earth to truly be considered one of them again, something which Aziraphale knew deep down yet continued to try his hardest to feign fitting in and pretending to be unaware of what they all thought of him, despite knowing he was fooling neither himself nor the archangels. To accept the situation and face it head on, however, Aziraphale thought would be unthinkable and rather mortifying.

Some centuries ago, when Aziraphale had finally agreed to the Arrangement with Crowley something had changed, he could feel it. It was a sense of finally being part of something, as an equal, a feeling of acceptance. The demon had not cared that Aziraphale was an angel; he seemed to have barely given it a second thought as he continued to meet, share information with and practically court Aziraphale in this companionship that carried them through the millennia. Once or twice, especially after meetings with his peers from Heaven, Aziraphale had wondered why he was treated like such an outsider by his own kind when even a demon from Hell seemed to accept and be unaffected by their differences. Gradually over time he had come to trust Crowley, trust that he would not cast him aside or make him the subject of ridicule as many of the other angels had. Yet despite this, Aziraphale remained loyal to Heaven as a good angel should, because it was what was expected of him, what he was created for, what he was _supposed to do_. Yet he allowed himself to break some of the rules when it came to Crowley, _but not all of them_. Denial almost came easy to Aziraphale as it did to all angels; they were after all supposed to suppress their wishes and desires that may not be considered proper for angels to possess, in favour of the Heavenly virtues.

It was therefore the tool that Aziraphale had used to reassert his allegiance as he was _supposed to do_. It hurt him to say the words, and he knew it would hurt Crowley even more to hear them, but Crowley was a _demon_, they didn't get _hurt feelings_, and if they did_ they deserved it_, or so hissed the voice in the back of Aziraphale's mind. Heaven's conditioning was difficult to completely rid himself of no matter how much the angel refused to believe the words that forced their way into his head. In moments where Aziraphale was put under pressure from Above, he found the voice became stronger, as though trying to push him onto a particular path.

_‘Friends? We’re not friends!' _

Aziraphale's voice rang out across the bandstand, denying Crowley once.

‘_I don’t even like you!'_

The second one was a downright lie. Aziraphale may have been reaffirming his allegiance to Heaven, but he was betraying himself - and his dearest, most true friend. Then came the third and final blow, as a broken, hopeless line rather than the previous words that had been laced with frustration...

‘_There is no _our side_, Crowley... not any more.'_

Crowley had strode away from the bandstand after Aziraphale's panicked speech became more frantic, seemingly trying to convince himself more than the demon. The words had stung Crowley, even though he knew this was always what happened when Aziraphale became even more anxious due to Heaven, but this time it was different. This time, the world was ending and the angel was forsaking their friendship when they may be out of time to fix it. Blinking back tears, Aziraphale watched as Crowley disappeared into the night.

_What have I done?_

......................

Aziraphale stood trembling in the same place, rooted to the spot as he tried to control the thoughts that were running wild in his head. He couldn't focus on anything apart from the fact that he had most likely lost Crowley for good. He had no idea how long he had been standing there for, unable to process his thoughts, in the grasp of a general state of panic that kept him from forcing himself to think rationally - or think of anything at all. His mind seemed eclipsed by a swirling fog of everything and nothing all at once, numbing his senses.

Eventually the fog cleared and Aziraphale's senses and emotions returned and hit him with full force. The tears he had held back in front of Crowley threatened to fall, and the angel found he could not hold them back. Before he knew what was happening he was sobbing silently, running his hands through his angelic curls, almost tugging on them, trying to hold onto something - anything - that would physically ground him. It soon became too much though, and Aziraphale sank to his knees, paying no mind to the dusty bandstand floor marking his pristine trousers, and openly sobbed now. Fortunately it was by this time the middle of the night, so the park lay silent and empty save for the devastated angel alone and in pain.

Aziraphale had lied to Crowley. He had hurt the demon, on purpose, and to make matters worse he may never have time to put things right before the world ended. The angel was scared, terrified in fact of the prospect of being forced to accept a life without Crowley if he really did go off on his own, and equally horrified of the thought of what would happen if the apocalypse was not averted.

Both outcomes would mean an eternity of loneliness and uncertainty for Aziraphale, devoid of the companionship he had become so fondly used to. However, the feeling that had hit the angel hardest was that of shame. Shame at how he had lied to Crowley, at how he had used bitter untruths to turn him away when all the demon had done was to think of the angel _as usual_, and to try and find a way forward for the both of them no matter what. Deep down Aziraphale knew what their friendship meant to Crowley, no matter how much one or the other made a perfunctory attempt to deny it due to the nature of their beings.

The voice that was Heaven's influence had disappeared, leaving Aziraphale's mind clearer to how he truly felt and open to allow himself to think about what he really wanted. This only sufficed to cause him more pain as he realised how much of a mess of things he had truly made, and how dreadful and selfish he had been. Aziraphale scolded himself mentally._ You betrayed Crowley. You're a _bad_ angel. _

If only they weren't from opposite sides, and they truly _could_ be on their own side... Aziraphale tried to stop himself thinking like that, he couldn't afford to given that it would never happen. They were eternally bound to Heaven and Hell respectively, no matter how much they despised it, no matter how much their friendship meant to them. The angel had previously had moments over the many years where he had allowed his mind to wander, but only briefly before he extinguished the thoughts. Thoughts of a life where there were no obligations to Heaven or Hell for the both of them, allowed to exist without fear of retribution for simply being friends. It would only cause pain, idealising a life that could never be, so Aziraphale had always believed it best not to think about it. Instead, he buried himself in his books or kept himself busy with something else.

But here, in the middle of the night at the empty park, Aziraphale was unable to occupy his mind with picking up a favourite novel, making a cup of tea, or phoning Crowley under the pretence of discussing the Antichrist but somehow ending up with the two of them making dinner plans. Instead the angel continued to sob, feeling a deep ache in the void in his heart that would never be filled and knowing that he had been an utter bastard to his dear friend, even if he had not meant it. It was easier to pretend than face up to his real feelings. Not the feelings that he allowed to surface, like the obvious enjoyment when he and Crowley had dinner together, or the mild annoyance when they got into a disagreement about the Arrangement. No, the deeper ones, the ones he kept wrapped up under the layers of other emotions and a rather large amount of denial. It was the feeling of pure, radiant love that he felt for Crowley, unable to quantify it or describe it. It was more than friendship but was also not Earthly, nor was it simply part of the love that all angels feel for all of God's creations. This was something of such enormity that it scared Aziraphale, and he kept it pushed down so he didn’t have to face it or think about it or _put Crowley in danger because of it_, keeping himself occupied with Earthly pleasures in order to remain distracted.

Tonight though, his feelings had become unraveled and spilled over, and he was finally forced to face his love for Crowley which pushed itself to the forefront of his mind. As the angel sobbed helplessly on the floor, he mourned this love, the love that he had been unable to explore and understand, refusing to share it with Crowley in an attempt to keep him safe. The angel mourned it for he knew sharing it and showing Crowley exactly just how much he meant to him was an impossibility - Heaven or Hell finding out and the things that would befall the demon if they did was enough to ensure Aziraphale's silence on the matter, and now it was a silence that would last for eternity. _You can't ever tell him. _

Finally, Aziraphale's sobs subsided and he slumped on the floor of the bandstand, leaning against the railings. Exhausted by the overwhelming emotions and the events of the day, the angel tipped his head back against the cool metal of the bars and closed his eyes. He could not bring himself to look up at the stars. Aziraphale was not one to sleep, he had no need for it nor did he usually wish to but tonight, he decided, he might make an exception. The Antichrist had come into his powers, Heaven and Hell were amassing their armies ready for war, and the Earth was going to be destroyed. But in that moment as far as Aziraphale was concerned, his world had already been lost.


	2. Are You Convinced?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to keep a lid on his increasing feeling of guilt over how he treated Crowley, Aziraphale invites him to the bookshop to ask his forgiveness. However, events take an unexpected turn when the demon confesses something before Aziraphale can tell him, and the angel finds himself apologising for something else instead...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more hurt/angst before the fluff, sorry... I'm going to do a third and final chapter with more fluff and maybe a bit of heat just to tie it all up. Thanks for reading!

‘I rather think we need to talk. Could you pop along to the bookshop later, do you think? If it’s convenient for you, of course.’ Aziraphale hung up the telephone with slightly trembling hands.

Of course it was never going to be inconvenient, and Crowley would have gone anyway even if it was.

......................

Since the failed apocalypse, or more accurately since the pair of them had been kidnapped by Heaven and Hell respectively, Aziraphale and Crowley had hardly left each other’s side. Dinner at the Ritz had turned into wine in the back of the angel’s newly restored bookshop, which along with discussions of the previous few days’ events had lasted until the sun came up, neither Aziraphale or Crowley realising how much time had passed. Some time around midday, Crowley appeared to notice and commented ‘well angel, better be off, things to do and all that,’ slipped on his sunglasses and disappeared in the Bentley for a couple of hours before inevitably finding some reason or other to arrive back at the angel’s residence.

Whilst Aziraphale welcomed the frequent visits, he found himself feeling increasingly guilty about the events that had occurred prior to the apocalypse the more time he spent with Crowley. They had not talked about the demon’s rejected offer; Crowley did not bring it up and Aziraphale did not wish to discuss it out of shame and a new kind of fear. Aziraphale was afraid that if he started talking he would be unable to stop, and everything would just come spilling out into the open. In a way it would be a relief. No more secrets.

Despite Heaven and Hell apparently leaving them alone from now on, Aziraphale still had his apprehensions about what would happen if he were to divulge his true feelings to Crowley. However, the threat had minimised significantly enough for him to perhaps start considering it, which was what finally prompted the angel to make the phone call. He had to speak with Crowley and apologise, the guilt now overwhelming, and if something else happened to slip out unintentionally then so be it.

......................

‘Well, you did threaten to never speak to me ever again. Biggest threat you could've made.' It was around six o'clock in the evening, and the fairly drunk demon was slouched in an armchair in Aziraphale's bookshop after the two of them had shared one of the angel’s favourite bottles of vintage red wine. Crowley however had not stopped there; he had moved on to the scotch which he always enjoyed a little took much.

'The... biggest threat?' Aziraphale asked questioningly, the beginnings of a nervous smile dancing across his lips. 'Not the flaming sword?'

'Well, 's not like you were going to use it on me was it, angel?' Crowley's yellow eyes gazed up at the angel, who was now shelving some of the new editions he had been leafing through earlier.

'Fair point.' Aziraphale’s smile became somewhat strained and looked away, busying himself. The conversation he had intended to have was not going as planned; he had lost his nerve even after the half bottle of wine, Crowley had started discussing other things, then started drinking even more just as the angel was about to muster his courage again. Now the demon was perhaps too drunk to have any sort of serious discussion, and Aziraphale dithered and fussed, unsure of what to do next due to his now burning desire to unburden himself.

Not noticing Aziraphale's discomfort, the demon continued his ramblings. 'But you... saying that... that'd be enough to get me to do... well, pretty much anything really.' Crowley swirled the scotch around his glass, holding it up and looking at it thoughtfully. 'I mean, how'd you feel if someone you loved said that to you when the world was about to end?' He knocked back the last of the drink and looked at Aziraphale, eyebrows raised.

Aziraphale's head shot up sharply and he turned to look at Crowley.

‘S-someone you love?’ Aziraphale stuttered. His face displayed both a mixture of hope and fear at the same time.

Crowley suddenly put down the glass on the table in front of him with a gentle thud. He shifted in his chair and gazed up at the angel with those wonderful amber eyes, always so expressive. Now they were giving Aziraphale a beseeching look as he said something that made the angel drop the book he had been holding straight to the floor without realisation.

'I do, you know. Love you. Just 'cause I'm a demon doesn't mean I don't.'

Aziraphale felt as though he had been struck by a bolt of lightning. Whatever he had been expecting tonight, he did not think for a second that this would come to pass. When he allowed the words to sink in, he reacted in a way that the demon did not expect in the slightest.

'I - you...' Aziraphale swallowed and gathered himself. 'You can’t say that. Please... If you do, I won’t be able to pretend any more.’ His voice was barely above a whisper as he closed his eyes and passed a hand over his forehead as though it hurt.

‘Pretend what, angel?’ Crowley asked gently, not taking his eyes off him. Somewhere between confessing his love and Aziraphale’s response, the demon had sobered up.

‘Don’t make me say it.’ Aziraphale mumbled, shaking his head.

‘Do you... you do, don’t you?’ Both of them were skirting around it now. Crowley had feared rejection, but it was clear in Aziraphale’s words and body language that he needn’t have worried. The angel loved him... so what was holding him back?

‘Is is because of Heaven?’ Crowley asked in an understanding way.

Eyes filled with unshed tears, Aziraphale allowed them to meet Crowley’s again. ‘Of course it’s... Heaven.’ Despite his quiet voice, it remained strong and the last word was filled with distaste. ‘Had I reciprocated your feelings all those years ago, I would have put you at immeasurable risk, Crowley.,. I still could be doing so now.’

‘But angel, they’re-‘ Crowley paused, frowning. ‘Wait, what do you mean by all those years ago? I’ve only just told you.’

‘Well... you see... ah.’ Aziraphale stuttered, desperately searching for a suitable explanation, cheeks turning a slight shade of pink.

‘You knew, didn’t you? You knew how I felt?’ Crowley’s tone was soft, but the frown deepened.

‘Well angels can sense love,’ Aziraphale blurted out before he could stop himself.

‘You can sense love - even from a demon? Not - not just humans?' Crowley stood up now, leaving against the bookshelf close to the angel. The atmosphere in the room was becoming tense.

Aziraphale nodded.

'You knew.’ Crowley emphasised the last word, sounding incredulous - and somewhat betrayed.

When Aziraphale did not say anything but avoided the demon’s eyes with a guilty expression on his face, he found himself pinned up against the bookshelf in a position reminiscent of their visit to the former nunnery the previous week. Crowley’s serpentine eyes flashed a deeper amber, hands fisting in the angel’s waistcoat.

Aziraphale swallowed and looked down at the floor, anywhere but at the demon’s eyes.

‘You mean to tell me that after years, centuries of knowing I’ve been in love with you you didn’t tell me you felt the same way? Are you that ashamed of your feelings? Because I’m a demon, is that it?’ Crowley spat, his voice laced with anger and disgust,

‘Of- of course not, it’s nothing to do with that!’ Aziraphale cried. ‘I had to keep you safe! I’ve never cared that you’re a demon and I’m an angel, that doesn’t matter to me!’

Crowley snorted. ‘That’s not what you’ve been telling me over the years. Always giving me excuses why we can’t be friends, why we couldn’t go off to Alpha Centuri before the apocalypse... all came down to ‘you’re a demon and I’m an angel’.’ Crowley found himself becoming more irate; nothing the angel said seemed to add up.

Aziraphale started trembling in the way he had recently begun to whenever he felt anxious. It usually went unnoticed, but in such close proximity Crowley picked up on it almost immediately. Horrified, he stepped back swiftly, removing his hands from the angel’s jacket as though he had been burned. They had been in similar situations previously but Aziraphale had always been nonchalant, knowing it was all just for show, to deny any undemonic niceness the angel claimed Crowley possessed. This time, Crowley was afraid he had actually intimidated the angel judging by his reaction.

‘Oh angel no, I’m not really angry, never angry at you.’ Concerned eyes looked down and searched Aziraphale’s face for forgiveness, and were met with a small and uncertain yet genuine smile.

‘It’s fine Crowley, truly. Just... let me explain? Please?’ The angel's eyes searched Crowley's face and the demon nodded. Aziraphale sighed and looked somewhat dejected. ‘Oh dear, I’m afraid I’ve rather gone and made a mess of things... again. Shall we sit down? I can put the kettle on, if you like.’

‘Ok.’ Crowley flopped back down onto the sofa with a sigh, as Aziraphale disappeared into the small kitchen to make tea.

......................

Aziraphale was perched on the end of the sofa, his body angled towards but not close enough to touch Crowley's, who was slouched in his usual position next to him. He nursed his cup of tea as he spent the next quarter of an hour explaining to the demon that it didn't matter how much he loved him, or how long for, they could never be together as Heaven and Hell would not allow it. Not just not allow it. If they found out Aziraphale was in love with a demon, the implications for him would be severe, but they would be even worse for Crowley. The angel was trying to tell this to the demon, who was infuriatingly refusing to see why Aziraphale would have kept something like this from him for years, knowing that his feelings were reciprocated.

"For Heaven's sake Crowley, don't you see? I was trying to prevent you from being killed!' Exasperated and frustrated, Aziraphale's voice was raised. 'I don't just mean discorporated either! I mean killed killed. Permanently! Crowley, if anything happened to you because of me, because I loved you and I selfishly acted upon that, and they found out... they may as well kill me too!' The angel paused and tried to collect himself before taking a shuddering breath and continuing more quietly.

'I forced myself to block it out, the feeling of your love. The constant reminder of it was too much, knowing you felt the same way and not being able to do anything about it -' the demon opened his mouth to argue but Aziraphale continued nonetheless '- so I put up a kind of defence, if you will. That way, I would be far less tempted - I know you weren't actually tempting me,' the angel said hurriedly, 'but that doesn't mean to say I wasn't. I thought after a while, if I didn’t say anything, you might just... move on. It's just - I knew above all else I had to keep you safe. I had to protect you Crowley, and that includes from me, and what they would bring on us - on you - if I didn't.'

'I'm a demon, I can protect myself.' Crowley muttered moodily.

'Not against several archangels... even with the two of us, there would be too many.'

'The two of us?'

'Of course. If they came after you, I would fight them. To the death, if necessary - and it probably would be. My death, I mean.' Aziraphale stated matter-of-factly.

Crowley stared at the angel, aghast. His confession had been completely unexpected, but the demon was starting to realise just how deeply the angel loved him and how far he would go to protect him, even suppressing his own desires to keep him safe. He had imagined Aziraphale would say something along the lines of him being afraid of Falling if someone found out, or being worried Crowley loved him but was not in love with him... yet the angel did not once mention either of those things. It was out of pure, selfless love that he had kept the demon in the dark, and Crowley found he could not be angry or disappointed in him for that.

But things were different now... Heaven and Hell had washed their hands of them and they were left alone, Crowley thought to himself. Now that they both knew how the other felt, what was stopping them from being together and acting upon their feelings?

Assuming Aziraphale had confessed his feelings to Crowley in return because of this, Crowley leaned towards the angel and pressed his lips to Aziraphale's. Unfortunately, the angel was currently extremely uptight from talking about his emotions so openly. Crowley was not expecting Aziraphale to leap out of the chair with a shout, face etched with turmoil and dropping his half empty teacup on the floor in the process.

'What on Earth are you playing at, Crowley? Did you not hear a single word I said? I will not risk you getting hurt! I don’t want to lose you!’

'And what about me, angel? What about what I want? Heaven and Hell don’t give a damn about what we do now, 's long as we don't cause them any trouble. You might've known how I felt about you, but I was in the dark when it came to knowing how you felt! I'm a demon, we don't get loved - I never even dared think you might be in the slightest bit interested in me in that way!' Crowley glared at the angel, determined not to give up.

Both Aziraphale and Crowley stopped for a moment, each considering what the other had said. Aziraphale could not deny that his resolve was beginning to waver. Crowley did have a very good point. The demon truly never believed he could ever be loved again, not after he Fell. Surely Aziraphale could see how much Crowley needed this, a chance to be with the one person who actually wanted to give him their love. And, Aziraphale thought, it would be nice to finally relieve himself of the burden of a love that had been denied for hundreds of years.

Aziraphale gave Crowley a weary smile that indicated he was not saying yes, but neither was he saying no.

‘I think I’ll put the kettle on again if you don’t mind... it would appear I’ll be needing another cup of tea.’

‘I’ll give you a hand, angel.’

......................

As the kettle boiled, an angel and a demon discussed the ins and outs of whether they could conceivably conduct a relationship despite Aziraphale’s fears.

‘You would consider it, truly? Despite the potential repercussions?’

‘Angel, bugger the repercussions. Anyway, they’ll leave us alone now, like I said, they don’t care what we get up to as long as we don’t interfere with whatever they’re doing up or down there.’ The demon flicked his hand, gesturing to Heaven and Hell as he spoke.

Aziraphale swallowed, hardly daring to believe that Crowley could be right. It was too good to be true, surely...

‘Aziraphale.’ Crowley interrupted his thoughts, speaking the angel’s name with an urgent need to get him to understand. It was now or never. Knowing that Aziraphale felt the same for him as he did for the angel, he could not let this opportunity slip through his fingers because of a lingering fear of something that may never happen.

‘Do you trust me?’ Golden eyes met pools of blue, searching so far it was as though Crowley was looking into the angel’s soul.

‘More than anyone else.’ The response was spoken sincerely and gently.

‘Then trust me when I say you will not lose me, Aziraphale. Not ever. Heaven and Hell... they’ve already forced us to hide our friendship for six thousand years. Don’t let them take this away from us. We have a chance, angel...’ Crowley swallowed, attempting to find the words ‘...a chance to... to, you know...’

‘Be together?’ Aziraphale whispered, hope flickering in his eyes. Crowley swallowed again.

‘Yes, angel... to be together. No more sides. No more assignments. No more meeting in secret. We could be happy.’ His eyes shone with... were those tears?

‘You sound very sure, and very convincing.’ Aziraphale said softly, noticing the emotion etched on Crowley’s features.

‘Is it enough though, angel? Can I convince you?’ He was almost imploring the angel now, begging him not to reject him again.

Aziraphale could see it in Crowley’s eyes; the angel had lowered his defences a little more and felt the emotions radiating from his friend. He knew what he had to do for both of their sakes. Crowley needed this, needed him, and Aziraphale could not continue denying his feelings now they were finally out in the open. He had been correct in thinking there would be no going back once the lid had been lifted.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, the angel spoke.

‘I think I’m ready to ah - give it a go. That is to say this - us - yes,’ he quickly added with a small smile, folding his hands over each other nervously.

Demonic eyes became filled with relief, then blazed with affection as Crowley smiled back at the angel. Noticing Aziraphale’s anxious hand movements, Crowley stepped closer and began to reach out his own to the angel’s, then quickly withdrew them when he saw Aziraphale look down at them.

‘Oh it’s quite alright, dear.’ Aziraphale looked back up with a reassuring smile. This gave Crowley a little more confidence, and he stepped forward once more, deciding it might be a good time to instigate a little more affection after their earlier unfortunate attempt.

The demon’s hands moved up to dance gracelessly around Aziraphale's face and shoulders, still unsure of whether he could - or should - touch him. Aziraphale did not step back or look displeased at his closeness, so Crowley took a chance and placed them gently on the angel's shoulders. Deep amber eyes met bright blue-grey, and Crowley instinctively lowered his head so their foreheads were almost touching. His eyes searched the angel's for any signs of him wanting to stop, but instead found a warm, inviting gaze and the beginnings of a shy smile on his lips when Crowley’s eyes subconsciously flickered down to them. Realising what he had done, a faint blush crept onto the demon’s cheeks as he met Aziraphale's eyes again.

'Should I... should we...?' an uncertain Crowley softly asked, leaving the question hanging in mid air, eyes continuing to search the angel's face. Aziraphale's shy smile became more confident and he spoke, barely louder than a whisper.

'Oh yes, my dear. Please do.'

With that, Crowley softly pressed his lips to the angel's, and a tight sensation gripped Aziraphale's stomach despite the kiss being chaste. The sensation was not altogether unpleasant, just unexpected. The angel had not anticipated feeling so moved from a kiss, and the overwhelming sense of love he felt emanating from the demon added fuel to his feeling of complete adoration. They broke apart and looked at each other, a kind of tension simmering between them, and Aziraphale could not help himself. He brought his hands up to rest on Crowley's waist and stepped closer, gently pulling the demon towards him at the same time. Their lips found each other's again, and this time they allowed the kiss to become more sensual despite its slowness, opening to each other a little more.

After some time, Crowley slowly pulled away from the kiss, resting his forehead upon Aziraphale’s. The demon closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of everything finally being as it should be, basking in the angel’s glow.

And the angel did glow, for he was hit by a surge of love so strong when Crowley’s head touched his, the simple gesture suddenly seeming so intimate. Defences finally completely broken down, Aziraphale gripped the demon tightly around the waist, overwhelmed by emotion and feeling a strong urge to get closer to him as the angel allowed himself finally to feel the full force of the love that radiated from Crowley. Crowley felt small shakes coming from the angel’s shoulders and opened his eyes to see tears streaming down Aziraphale’s face.

‘Angel...?’ Crowley asked in a worried voice, keeping his hands on the angel’s shoulders but stepping back a little to study Aziraphale’s face. He had seen the angel appear close to tears over the millennia, but had never actually witnessed him crying with abandon like this.

‘Oh Crowley, my dear, dear Crowley. I cannot even begin to describe how much I truly love you,’ the angel spoke openly now, allowing the tears to flow freely. He gazed up at the demon in a way that could only be described as reverent. ‘You must have suffered so much...’ Aziraphale sobbed. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.’

Crowley wrapped his arms around the angel, enveloping him in a tight embrace and making soothing sounds.

‘Oh, Aziraphale. It’ll be ok. We’ll be ok,’ Crowley murmured into the angel’s soft curls as he rested his cheek on Aziraphale’s head, bringing a hand up to smooth the back reassuringly.

‘Oh, and angel?’ He said when the sobs subsided. Aziraphale raised his head questioningly to look at the demon, watery eyes brimming with pure adoration.

‘I love you too.’


	3. Temptations Accomplished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley have danced around each other for three days following their realisation. Aziraphale discovers he has more courage than he thinks when he cannot stop himself from making the next move. Heated kissing and fluff ensues, with a moment of humour when it all gets a bit too much...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m having a few problems with the formatting, and can’t seem to put it right! Still working on it.

Three days had passed since Aziraphale and Crowley had come clean about their feelings for each other. Since then, the demon had barely left the bookshop, Aziraphale only occasionally opening it for a couple of hours here and there. The angel had no desire to let Crowley out of his sight for now, and Crowley had no reason to be anywhere else, instead choosing to keep an eye on Aziraphale should he need further reassurance.

After they had shared those two perfectly lovely kisses, there had not been any more much to both of their disappointment. Crowley wanted to move at Aziraphale’s pace, and the angel was a little unsure of how to instigate these things. It was one thing to witness humans doing it and thinking how wonderful and easy it looked, but another to be the one standing in those shoes, which Aziraphale discovered was far more nerve wracking. Instead, both beings simply continued to enjoy the companionship of each other, a light touch of a hand on a shoulder or arm, or a knowing smile with a slightly more lingering look added for good measure, both a little shy of taking the next step again. 

That evening, the two of them had been out for dinner and were now sat in the front of the Bentley while Crowley fiddled with the radio. Something was different tonight, though. Earlier on, sat across the table from the demon, Aziraphale had found himself gazing at Crowley, eyes glazing over, unable to take in much of their conversation and remaining unusually quiet. He kept noticing little things, like the way Crowley would tap his fingers on the stem of his wine glass or lean backwards in his chair with a smile playing at his lips. He saw different shades of red and auburn flicker through the demon’s hair as the soft lights caught it; the angel thought it looked beautiful. In fact, Crowley looked positively _divine__. _Aziraphale felt something stirring inside him again; it had been building up over the past couple of days, slowly bubbling it’s way to the surface. It had taken him until now to pinpoint what exactly it was - it was different from the pure, deep love, and left him with a feeling of anticipation. _Desire_. He now longed to kiss Crowley again, _ached_ with it, the fantasy of doing so playing on his mind and distracting him completely from what was happening around him, making him forget his vague nervousness around _what_ _happens_ _next._ By the time the angel had got in the car, he could barely remember what he had even had for dessert, the image of Crowley's beautiful amber eyes seared into his mind as the demon had peered over the top of his slightly lowered glasses whilst he slowly sipped his coffee, waiting for Aziraphale to finish.

The tantalising thought had turned into a desperate _want_ which had started to overtake any shyness or apprehension Aziraphale had originally felt; now emboldened by this, the angel reached out and touched Crowley’s hand. Stilled by the gentle contact, Crowley turned his head to the angel in the seat next to him. Aziraphale was not looking at him, instead facing forwards out of the windscreen into the night. Crowley gave the angel a look from behind his glasses, lips turning up at the corner in a small smile. 

'Yes, angel?' The question hung in the air, open for Aziraphale to answer it in any way he chose. 

'My dear... it's been three days since... well, you know.’ Aziraphale absent-mindedly stroked a thumb over the back of the demon's hand, enjoying the feeling of his soft, cool skin beneath his fingers. A fairly innocent gesture, but one that made the angel's heart beat quicker as the realisation of the fact that this could lead to him getting exactly what he wanted dawned on him. He kept his eyes fixed firmly on the street light through the window as though it was incredibly interesting, knowing that Crowley would see exactly _how_ Aziraphale wanted him if he looked in his eyes. 

Crowley turned his hand over to take Aziraphale's in his, tugging it gently so the angel had to turn towards him slightly, shifting in his chair. Silently admitting defeat, Aziraphale met the demon's eyes through his sunglasses. After a brief moment of Crowley studying his face, he swore the demon actually _smirked_ at him. He felt a blush creep up his cheeks, but remained where he was, holding hands which now rested between them and defiantly holding Crowley's gaze. With his remaining free hand, Crowley slowly removed his glasses and the angel was taken aback to see his eyes full of mischief to match the smile. 

Then Crowley leaned towards Aziraphale and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

Drawing back slowly but keeping the distance between them minimal, Crowley whispered to the angel, eyes lit up as he teased.

'Is that what you wanted?' 

Aziraphale swallowed, rendered speechless for a moment. The air between them seemed to crackle with electricity as Crowley placed his other hand gently on the angel's shoulder. 

'You're going to have to tell me, angel.' The demon said in a low voice, which Aziraphale suddenly found incredibly seductive. 

The angel shook his head stiffly. 'Not enough.' The words were barely a whisper, Aziraphale's head spinning with anticipation and desire. All of a sudden, Crowley seemed even closer, too close, and Aziraphale couldn't fight it any more. Lowering his inhibitions, he tightened his grip on Crowley's hand, pulling him the rest of the way and closing the gap between their lips. 

It was _wonderful_... _wonderful_ and _messy_ and _heated_. Aziraphale opened his mouth a little to the kiss, and Crowley tested the waters, flicking his tongue gently across the angel's bottom lip. Aziraphale gasped at the new sensation and his hand let go of Crowley's in favour of snaking it up and around the back of the demon's shoulder and neck, as though trying to pull him in even more. Crowley seemed to enjoy the angel's newly discovered passion; the involuntary small noises he was making certainly affirmed so. Aziraphale poured his accumulating feelings into the kiss, becoming carried away as the earth seemed to fall away, leaving only the two of them in existence where all that mattered was they kept kissing and got closer. The angel pushed his tongue past Crowley's lips, tasting him, almost moaning with pleasure as he was hit by a wave of lust. _Closer... please_. He tightened his arm around the demon's shoulder, hand in his short, soft hair, each and every sense heightened. 

Then Aziraphale felt Crowley pulling away and he opened his eyes, a hazy expression on his face, blinking slowly as he came back down to Earth. The angel suddenly realised that in his eagerness he had ended up with his other hand on Crowley's thigh. He quickly removed it, blushing furiously. 

'I'm sorry, my dear,' he said, sounding somewhat flustered but not particularly sorry at all. 'I don't know what came over me.' 

'Oh, don't apologise, angel. I was enjoying it.' The demon drawled, amused. 

'Then why did you stop?' Aziraphale asked indignantly. 

'Because I didn't think you were going to be able to. You were getting rather carried away there.' He grinned wolfishly, threading his fingers back through Aziraphale's. 

'Well can you blame me, the way you were making eyes at me during dessert? It was very distracting. Very tempting.' Hearing the emphasis on the last word, Crowley raised his eyebrows.

'Perhaps... we should head back to yours? Open a bottle of wine... allow me to -' he briefly leaned forward again, teasing, so close the angel could feel the tickle of his breath on his cheek - '_tempt_ you further?' 

Aziraphale thought his heart would stop. His eyes closed for a second and he swallowed, then inhaled and exhaled slowly through his nose. The angel’s eyes were dark when he opened them again, his expression unreadable. He spoke in a low voice.

'Drive. Now.'

Crowley slipped on his glasses and started the ignition. Placing his hands on the steering wheel, he turned to the angel once more, all trace of humour gone and voice steady. 

'You sure I'm not going too fast for you?'

They looked at each other, the words familiar.

'Not this time.'

Crowley hit the accelerator and did not remove his foot for the entire journey, and for once, Aziraphale did not complain.

......................

They had reached the bookshop in record time. The drive had been silent, and Aziraphale had hoped that things would not be awkward when they arrived, especially after his unreserved performance after leaving the restaurant. He needn't have worried however; whatever spark had been ignited in him had clearly been kindled in Crowley also, as the demon was currently kissing him with open mouthed fervour up against the front door of the bookshop. Fortunately the blinds had fallen down with a click of his fingers, hiding them from any unsuspecting individuals who may have been passing by.

Although it was Aziraphale who was pressed up against the door, he was by no means pinned and there was no battle for dominance as they plundered each others' mouths. Their kisses were equally passionate and deep, both losing control together. Crowley's hands had gone from the front of the angel's jacket, down his body to sit low on his waist, as Aziraphale carded his fingers through the demon's hair again, evidently enjoying its feel and the way Crowley inadvertently moaned softly when he tugged it a little.

‘Oh, the things you do to me, angel.’ The demon gasped between the heated kisses. Aziraphale gave a low chuckle before resuming their heated kissing, hands now roaming over Crowley's chest. 

‘My dear, would you-‘ he cut himself off with a moan as Crowley began kissing a particularly sensitive spot just below his ear.

‘Hmm?’ Mumbled the demon, not stopping his ministrations.

‘-take off your jacket?’ Aziraphale managed to get out.

With a fluid, almost snake-like motion, Crowley wriggled his jacket down his shoulders and let it fall in a heap in the floor. Deciding it was only fair for the angel to remove his top, he took the liberty of pushing Aziraphale’s off where it joined his own at their feet. Crowley half expected a rebuke for leaving the crisp cream overcoat in such a state, but if the angel noticed he certainly didn’t care enough to stop entwining his tongue with his lover’s. 

The more enthusiastic Aziraphale became, the more Crowley became enraptured by the angel, falling further into a heady haze of lust. He needed him, needed to feel him, hands running over skin. He pushed his hands up under the waistcoat and light blue shirt, palms skimming the delectably soft skin of Aziraphale’s back, eliciting another hum of approval from the angel who pulled him even closer in return. 

Using every ounce of willpower to slow down, Crowley stepped back to look at the angel, holding him at arms length. Aziraphale was a sight to behold; all flushed cheeks and dilated pupils, his usually tidy white-blond curls now tousled. 

‘We should probably move, we’ll end up being here all night.’

Without a word, Aziraphale nodded and led him by the hand towards the back room. They had spent many an evening sat here, reminiscing, sharing memories and putting the world to rights. This time, however, things were different. They were different - well, their relationship was, in any case. Realising the angel had stopped just inside the doorway and was staring around the room, Crowley squeezed his hand a little.

‘You ok, angel?’ He asked gently.

‘Perfect, my dear.’ Crowley's voice pulled the angel back into the present moment and Aziraphale turned back to face him, eyes wide and shining eagerly in the soft lamplight. In the darker room, the angel looked even more ethereal, and Crowley found himself unable to take his eyes off him. He truly was the most breathtakingly beguiling creature the demon had ever seen. Before he could stop himself, Crowley found his lips on the angel’s once again, engaging him in a slow, sensual kiss. 

‘Love you, angel,’ he managed to gasp out before drawing Aziraphale back in as though he was the very oxygen he needed to breathe. 

Aziraphale’s grip on him tightened, and he would have returned the sentiment had Crowley not been kissing him again with such force it was difficult to take a breath. In fact, the demon was so preoccupied that he had barely noticed the old oak desk in the middle of the room until he had backed the angel into it. Aziraphale threw out a hand to steady himself and promptly caught his lamp, knocking it to the floor with a thump.

‘Crowley!’ Aziraphale gasped in admonishment and awe, before crashing his lips back to the demon’s and resuming the kiss.

‘Sorry angel, just - want to be close to you.’ 

‘I don’t think you _could_ get any - ah.’ Aziraphale cottoned on to what he thought Crowley was suggesting. He broke the kiss and gently pushed the demon back a little.

‘Perhaps I should-‘ his hands reached up to his bow tie which he unfastened slowly, placing it behind him on the desk when he was done before undoing his top button, blue eyes never leaving amber ones.

Crowley was unable to take his eyes off the angel who was practically tempting him at this point. Once Aziraphale had finished, Crowley leaned forwards and started fumbling for his shirt buttons, managing to undo the first few. A sharp intake of breath came from the angel, and Crowley stopped what he was doing for a moment to ask the question.

'Is this ok, angel?'

Desperate to feel more of Crowley's soft hands on the rest of his skin, Aziraphale gave an enthusiastic nod and whispered_ a yes. _Crowley returned his hands, more calmly this time, and the final buttons were undone. He placed his palms on the angel's bare skin just below the collar, then ever so slowly pushed it over Aziraphale's shoulders and down his arms, serpentine eyes full of hunger as the took in the sight of the angel being revealed to him. The light blue shirt pooled on the desk behind him, and the demon could not help but run his hands over Aziraphale’s chest in amazement.

The angel gave him a positively heavenly smile and pulled him into a close embrace. Crowley, feeling almost drunk from the feel of the angel’s skin under his hands, caressed Aziraphale’s back and shoulders softly, experimenting with touch, figuring out which parts of the angel would evoke the best response.

He brushed his hands firmly across Aziraphale’s shoulders until they met in the middle, then slowly dragged his fingertips down the centre of his back, eliciting a moan from the angel. Enjoying the sounds he was able to coax from Aziraphale, the demon did it again, this time applying more pressure from his fingernails as he pressed a firm kiss to the angel’s exposed neck. 

Aziraphale gasped and squirmed and arched his back into the touch, the sensation so wonderful he had never felt anything like it before. It was clearly a sensitive spot for him, and Crowley's eyes grew wide as he watched Aziraphale's reaction, seeing the rapturous expression spread across his face. The angel's head was tipped back, eyes almost closed, his palms flat on the desk behind him to steady himself.

‘Again,’ Aziraphale managed to force out, breathless. He wished he could make the feeling last forever, to relive it over and over; it made him feel so _good_, so alive. 

The demon obliged, still kissing his neck, and Aziraphale experienced a rush so intense he thought he would discorporate on the spot.

Before he knew what was happening and completely unable to prevent it, billowing white wings sprang involuntarily into being on the Earthly plain, knocking books from the desk and sending papers flying around the room. Crowley jumped back just in time, a surprised and amused look on his face whilst Aziraphale gaped open-mouthed in amazement.

'I - I didn't know that could happen.' He said a few seconds later, in a state of shock. Crowley chuckled lightly at the situation, and then even more when he noticed the angel’s incredulous expression.

'Well, for what it's worth angel, neither did I.' 

'It's not funny!' Aziraphale looked terribly embarrassed. 

'I'm not making fun of you!' Crowley reassured, still somewhat amused. 'It's my fault really... probably over-stimulated you.'

Aziraphale spluttered indignantly, turning a deep shade of pink.

'Oh, come on angel, it's nothing to be ashamed about... I rather like your wings.'

'Well thank you, but - that's not really the point. I should have more control.' Aziraphale stated primly. 

'Can I touch them?' Crowley asked, curious, and wanting to ease the angel’s self-consciousness.

‘Oh - if you like.’ The angel seemed surprised, and perhaps a little bit pleased by the request. Crowley frowned, unsure.

‘Only if you want me to, angel.’ He stepped back, giving Aziraphale space.

‘I’m happy for you to touch me anywhere you like, my dear.’ Crowley raised his eyebrows and gave him the amused look again. Aziraphale suddenly realised the implications of his statement and blushed furiously.

‘Please, go ahead.’

‘Sit down.’ Crowley gestured for him to sit on the edge of the desk and moved behind him. It was narrow enough for the demon to reach him without having to lean over too far. He placed his hands on Aziraphale’s shoulders.

‘Are you ready?’ He asked.

‘Oh yes.’ The angel sighed, wanting to know what it would feel like, whether it would be intense like the sensitive part where they met his back, or whether it would just be a nice, gentle feeling. He couldn’t imagine Crowley ever doing anything to him that didn’t feel nice.

‘Tell me to stop if you don’t like it, whenever you want.’

Crowley buried his fingers in the feathers near Aziraphale’s back, stroking them out in the direction in which they pointed. As he smoothed them down, working his way along the left wing, he pressed the occasional kiss to the angel’s neck. 

‘Your wings are beautiful,’ he murmured as he worked his hands through white feathers. ‘Just like you. Beautiful inside and out.’ Crowley nuzzled Aziraphale’s neck after the last kiss, breathing in the angel’s delicious scent. 

Aziraphale closed his eyes and allowed himself to lean into the touch, a sense of pure love and tranquility washing over him, when a blasphemous thought entered his head. _This_ _must_ _be_ _what_ _being_ _worshipped_ _feels_ _like_. He tipped his head back to allow Crowley better access to his neck, and hummed in appreciation when the demon leaned around to kiss it.

Turning his head when he felt Crowley finally reach the tip of the right wing, Aziraphale captured Crowley’s lips in a soft kiss as he raised his head. When they broke apart, Crowley wound his hands over the angel’s shoulders to his chest, resting his chin on Aziraphale’s shoulder and holding him close. Aziraphale placed his hands on top of his lover’s as each soaked up the waves of love radiating from the other. 

‘Oh, I do love you, Crowley.’

‘I love you too.’ The demon murmured, leaning into Aziraphale even more, hands now wrapping around the angel's waist under his wing.

‘Would you - like to go upstairs?’ Aziraphale asked uncertainly. There was a brief pause, then-

‘I’d love to, my angel.’

Crowley let go of his angel and walked slowly around to the front of the desk, still gazing at Aziraphale as he did so, and offered his hand. Aziraphale took it and placed his feet back on the floor, folding his wings away. Without speaking, Crowley took the angel’s other hand, gazed deep into his eyes, and drew him into a deep, slow kiss that conveyed his deepest feelings and was full of promise.

When they finally ran out of air that they did not really need, they broke apart and looked at each other, love and adoration shining in their eyes. Aziraphale eventually broke the silence.

‘After you, my dear,’ he said softly, as he nodded towards the staircase.

......................

If Crowley noticed Aziraphale’s eyes flicker towards the jackets that lay in a heap on the floor by the door he did not mention it, but when the angel finally ventured downstairs the following morning, he would find them miraculously hung on the coat stand without a crease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This just keeps getting longer and longer... from 1 to 3 chapters, now we have an epilogue on the way! I've loved writing these two, and it's been so good to get back into writing again generally. Thanks for reading everyone!
> 
> If you like wing stuff, I have a new fic that you might like to check out. It’s rated T and is just a bit of fluff and wing grooming. You can read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23301802


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a tender moment, Aziraphale gets something off his chest that he had wanted to say to Crowley before they got distracted.

Sunlight streamed in through the bedroom window, causing Crowley to stir from his slumber. As he lay there sleepily, eyes still closed, he became vaguely aware of his arm haphazardly thrown over something very warm and soft next to him. It took a moment for him to realise that he was not in his own bed but in Aziraphale's, and he was most definitely not alone. Last night had evidently not just been a dream then, he thought, albeit a very wonderful and somewhat erotic one, and he slowly opened his eyes to face his angel with a smile. 

As Crowley's eyes fell upon the angel's face, the smile disappeared and was replaced with a look of complete and utter awe.

Aziraphale was laying on his side facing the demon, eyes open and filled to the brim with love. He was practically glowing with angelic light; Crowley could swear his tousled curls shone as though his halo itself had manifested. He looked absolutely magnificent. Rendered speechless, the demon simply stared at the angel, who smiled shyly back and entwined their arms under the white covers. Aziraphale's warm hand slid further up Crowley's arm, gently tugging him closer, and Crowley wrapped his arm around the angel's waist, allowing himself to be pulled into the embrace. 

They continued to look at each other in silence, enjoying the feeling of their closeness, of their intimacy. At some point one or both of them moved, and in the next moment their lips were pressed together in a slow, lingering kiss. 

When they broke apart, they continued to hold each other, each not taking their eyes off the other.

Crowley had not experienced feeling this much love since before the Fall.

'Aziraphale...' Crowley started to break the tranquil silence, but was unable to find any more words as he cupped the angel's face and gently caressed his soft, rosy cheek with his thumb. Aziraphale lay perfectly still with the exception of his hand brushing the curve of Crowley's hip, smiling serenely. 

'Crowley.’ The angel spoke his name like a _prayer_.

Aziraphale had woken some time ago, but could not bring himself to move from the bed, not when Crowley's arm lay warm and comforting on his stomach, and the sun was beginning to rise with a beautiful orange glow. Instead, he had remained where he was, unmoving, drinking in the sight of his lover sleeping peacefully next to him. He lay there remembering how Crowley's touches had felt last night, how eager he had been to please his angel, how intimate and simply perfect it had been when they explored their pleasure together in this new, exquisite way. Aziraphale had never felt so wanted, so loved. 

He pulled the demon in again and Crowley rested his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder, arms moving to snake around his neck. Aziraphale laid his cheek on Crowley’s head, feeling the soft tickle of his red hair. It felt like they were the only beings in existence; the only thing that mattered was feeling the warmth, both in a physical and metaphorical sense. 

After what could have been an age or no time at all, Aziraphale finally spoke.

‘I owe you an apology.’

The demon shifted and looked up questioningly, unsure as to what his angel could possibly have to be sorry for.

‘I’ve behaved awfully towards you lately, my dear. Before Armageddon... I said some horrible things, simply dreadful. I-I need you to know that I didn’t mean them, Crowley. Not one bit. And while it’s too late to take them back, all I can do is ask for your forgiveness.’ The angel’s voice wavered.

Crowley stared at him.

‘_You’re_ asking _my_ forgiveness? You’re an angel!’

‘Ah, but first and foremost... I’m _yours_. If-if you still want-‘

Crowley threw his arm back around Aziraphale.

‘_If_ I still want?’ He asked incredulously. ‘Aziraphale, of course I bloody do. It’s all I’ve wanted, _you’re_ all I’ve wanted... and you don’t need to apologise, it was a... difficult time. We both said things we didn’t mean.’

‘Yes, but you also said a lot of things you _did_ mean... if only I’d been paying enough attention. And quite frankly, even Armageddon isn’t an excuse for how I treated you. You’ve always been so _good_ to me-‘ Crowley wrinkled his nose at the word ‘-and I kept pushing you away, out of fear and sheer bloody stubbornness. And for that, I am truly sorry.’ The angel finished, determined to make Crowley realise how much he regretted his actions from the past week.

‘Oh, angel,’ Crowley sighed. ‘Of course I forgive you. It’s a pretty good thing though, that stubbornness of yours... helped save the Earth.’ 

Aziraphale gave a confused smile.

‘By not running away.’ He clarified.

‘Well, you were the one who decided to stay after being so certain you wouldn’t... so really, it’s down to you.’

Crowley pulled a face. ‘Technically it’s down to Adam,’ he said, ‘but I wouldn’t have gone without you. Really, I wouldn’t. Would’ve been boring if I'm honest, an eternity on my own. Not worth it.’ He spoke the next part softly, amber eyes filled with sincerity.

‘Not without you.’

‘Oh _Crowley_.’ Aziraphale’s eyes shone with adoration. He felt complete, more so than he had done in quite a long time, like everything was falling into place. He reached for the demon, burying his head in Crowley’s shoulder and closing his eyes, allowing the love to wash over him in waves, the feeling becoming familiar. 

Crowley pressed a kiss to the top of his angel’s head, bringing him back into the present. 

Then the phone began to ring downstairs in the bookshop, and Aziraphale startled, lifting his head and moving to sit up.

‘Oh, just ignore it, they’ll call back later.’ Crowley was not quite ready to let go of his angel just yet.

‘Crowley! It might be important!’ 

‘Well, if it’s that important they’ll call back later, won’t they?’ 

Aziraphale could not argue with the demon’s logic, even if he did feel slightly guilty. Pushing aside any thoughts he had been having of miracling himself some pyjamas, he turned to face Crowley once more and allowed himself to be pulled back down into the demon’s arms. Crowley grinned and pulled the angel flush against him. Aziraphale felt desire stirring inside him again; he inhaled sharply as he remembered how they had been so closely pressed up against each other like this during their lovemaking last night. 

Before he allowed himself to get carried away and lose himself in the feeling, Aziraphale looked deep into those breathtaking, golden eyes.

‘I love you.’

They had exchanged these words many times since arriving home last night, but they carried the same weight as the first time they were spoken. 

And then they were kissing again, arms wrapped tightly around each other, the reassuring comfort that was togetherness and a reminder that they would never again have to face anything alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter! Thank you for sticking with it guys, I've had a great time writing it. Still pretty rusty but hoping to get back into the swing of things properly the more I write! I may do another piece for Good Omens, which is rapidly becoming my favourite fandom!


End file.
